Arcturus On The Job

 After a few days, Arcturus got an assignment to work on at home. It was to "write a biography on Constance Shelley." Constance Shelley is just some woman that works in Arcturus' office. An absolute nobody. I don't know who set him on this assignment but I'd like to imagine it was his boss.

Boss: I need you to write a book about Constance.
Arcturus: Who's that?
Boss: She works in this office. God. Come on, man.
Arcturus: Never met her.
Boss: Then talk to her.
Arcturus: I'd rather just start typing.
Boss: Please just talk to her.
(walking out of the boss' office, Arcturus gives one last look back)
Arcturus: Nahhhh. I'm gonna just start typing, kay?

He bought a computer on his way home and started the biography. Following the concept of "write what you know", he titled the book, "Constance Shelley Is A Person."

Look at those fingers fly. "This is so easy," he's thinking.

As you can imagine, he eventually hit a brick wall. That wall was on page 2. Page 1 was the title sheet. So he called Constance on the phone and asked her to come over to his house. Her first response was, "No thanks. I have a casserole in the oven." and she hung up on him. He called her again almost immediately and this time she said she would be right over. It's a good thing Arcturus saw through that casserole ploy!

"I hope nobody sees me in this part of town"

Constance arrived and rang the doorbell. Arcturus looked out the window and got all nervous cause he saw a pretty lady on his doorstep. He ran outside to introduce himself.

"WHAZZZUUUPPPP!?"

He pretty much blew that introduction, but didn't let it get to him. She walked in and went right to the living room to watch TV. Arcturus was just about to get his pad and pencil for the interview but saw that 'Modern Family' was on so he started watching TV too. 
Then, something incredibly strange happened. He got a call on his cell phone from Constance. (this actually happened.)

"Hey, I heard you had to interview me?", the voice says.

This was turning into the Twilight Zone. Arcturus started sweating. He had to think of something fast and came up with a truly bizarre idea. Without my direction, he ran into the bathroom and changed into the same outfit as her. I didn't really know where he was going with this but neither did he because he just came in and glared at her for a bit before sitting down to watch TV again.

"I think I have to kill you now, ma'am."

Arcturus: "Tell me something only the real Constance would know."Constance: "Well, you don't know anything about me. So that doesn't make sense."
Arcturus: "Uhm. Oh yeah."

10:00pm. Ever the procrastinator, he starts rambling about, of all things, the color orange. Oh no. Run, Constance!

A:"You don't know the first thing about orange." C:"...And I'm fine with that."

Thankfully, his "charismatic" trait, as we've learned, allows him to talk forever without the other person getting bored and leaving. Constance surprisingly shows some interest in "orange" though. It's a topic that really hits home for her. Some of her best friends are oranges! She tells Arcturus that her favorite color is pink and he throws up on her shoe. They talk about orange and pink for hours. Just two colors. For hours. With neither one ever backing down and mentioning the other's favorite color. It's very strange to watch.
1:00am. "Oh shit," Arcturus said as he checked his watch, "I need you to tell me something about yourself before you leave. Hurry!" They chatted about some stuff and the game informed me that Arcturus learned Constance is "clumsy" and "neurotic". These are 2 of her 5 traits. I'm not sure if she actually said this about herself or if Arcturus just figured she was a nut after their color conversation. Either way, this is enough information for him to finish the book about her.

Arcturus asked Constance to stay the night. You might think that's a little forward at this point in their relationship and it most certainly is because she replied with, "I don't know you well enough." He yelled, "Oh, whatdya have a casserole in an oven somewhere!?", apologized for that outburst and went in for a hug goodnight. She was... less than thrilled, let's say.

Having not gone to the bathroom or taken a nap all day, he barely got through that hug before wetting his pants and collapsing from exhaustion at Constance's feet. She was right not to stay the night. She stepped over him and let herself out.

After waking up in his own filth, Arcturus got dressed for work without a shower or food.

"I hope the driver doesn't have a nose."

This is when I realized a few things:
1. Arcturus had got a promotion at some point because promotions sometimes mean new work uniforms.
2. Constance wasn't wearing a disguise because she was embarrassed to be seen at Arcturus's house. She was just dressed for work. Trying to keep the interview meeting professional, I guess.
3. That whole bit where he dressed like her the night before was because he was dressing for work in the middle of the night. It's still weird, but it's more "quirky" weird than "psycho" weird.

Anyway, his carpool driver seems to have bought a new car. He also seems to have found the fountain of youth. (Really, compare the pictures from the first carpool ride.) Arcturus doesn't even ask about it either. He just takes it in stride. The silence on these car rides is deafening.

"...and here I thought reversing time would get him to talk."

Once they reached Doo Peas, Arcturus got out. He was in an awful mood because he was hungry, tired, and dirty. This morning was not starting off well and the memories of how last night ended made him want to cry.  

"I hope Constance doesn't tell anyone I crapped myself last night."

By the way, this was the first time that I followed Arcturus to work instead of just focusing on the house all day. What I find is that the carpool driver just drops Arcturus off and leaves. They don't even work together? Arcturus refuses to take a taxi because he's too "eco-friendly". I'd love to hear his justification of an SUV-driving chauffeur.