Arcturus woke up. He lay there for a few minutes trying to
calm down from that nightmare. The bed under him felt wet but this time his
pants felt wet too. Phew. Thinking about his troubling incontinence over the past few hours, he looked at the clock. 3AM. “The soul’s midnight”,
as they say. He switched the lamp on and saw that Shellie was laying next to him. He pulled the
covers back and got up. Since he hadn't actually eaten dinner that night, he was getting pretty hungry. Time to find something to eat!
Arcturus opened the refrigerator. There was a bowl of food
with a note: “For Eileen”. Who's Eileen? Whatever. Was that note going to stop him? Hell no. He threw
the note on top of the oven and put the bowl in to heat it up. He opened the oven to warm his hands a bit as he stared blankly out the window overlooking the town. It seemed to be getting colder and colder. He checked the dials on the oven to make sure it was on and looked back up just in time to see a ghost woman walking
up the steps of the back porch! Arcturus dove into the dining room before she
saw him but cursed at himself when he realized he had forgot the food.
Goddamnit, he wanted that food.
Peeking around the corner into the kitchen, he saw the woman standing by the oven. She picked up the note Arcturus had thrown there and ate it. "Ok... ok... that was odd," Arcturus thought. Then she took the food out of the oven and sat down at the kitchen table. Was this the Eileen the note was talking about?
All Arcturus knew about ghosts came from his conversations
with his old buddy, Flat Broke. They had talked for a bit about his brother, Buck, the
burial specialist. Of course, Arcturus figured Flat was a nutjob when he told
him about Buck’s ghostly encounters, but apparently it was no joke. Ghosts were real. Flat had
said that people who die from unnatural causes take on a certain color in the
afterlife. Pink, which was the color of the ghost Arcturus was staring at in
the Cheek’s kitchen, meant the person had died of starvation and would forever
be hungry.
Arcturus was pretty sure that when ghosts ate food, it fell out of them.
That was Slimer’s problem in Ghostbusters,
right? Well, this wasn’t the case with Eileen. The stuff she was eating was
disappearing… somewhere. Had Ursula left the plate of food for Eileen? Was there a deal where she would feed Eileen as a trade for the safety of her family? If that was the case,
Arcturus didn’t feel like he fit into that picture. And Ursula wasn’t too fond
of him after he pissed on her kitchen floor earlier, so it was no wonder that
she hadn’t warned him about this ghost situation.
Arcturus started to back away from the doorway and bumped
into one of the dining room chairs. He froze. Eileen slowly turned her head
towards him. They made eye contact and Eileen started to stand up. 'Won't you join me?" she moaned as Arcturus ran for the front door.
The front door was locked though. He turned around to see Eileen floating down the hallway towards him and ran up the main staircase and into the bathroom at the end of the hall. It was a pretty bad hiding spot. Eileen very likely knew the house better than Arcturus did so temporarily hiding was the only option. He couldn’t run forever though. Arcturus left the bathroom door open and hid behind it.
He knew Eileen was getting closer to the bathroom as her
pinkish glow lit up the hallway. Even though she had just eaten, Eileen was still
hungry and she would eat just about anything
at this point.
![]() |
| At least turn the light off in there, Arcturus! |
Eileen floated into the bathroom. Arcturus held his breath. She
caught sight of herself in the mirror and was distracted for a moment. Arcturus
tried to slip out of the bathroom unnoticed but she saw him in the reflection. Her
eyes widened, she turned around and screamed as Arcturus took off, stumbling down
the same stairs he had run up minutes ago.
He crashed through the house in the dark with no idea
where he was going. Finally reaching the study at the very back of the house,
he stopped. He hadn’t heard or seen Eileen following behind him. Maybe the
living nightmare was over. It was probably too much to hope for. He stood in
silence, waiting with his back against the wall. Suddenly, she appeared in the doorway.
“Game over,” he thought, “She’s
going to eat me.” The ghost smiled. Arcturus was cornered
and she knew it. He braced himself as she floated towards him.
“Come closer. I’m not going to eat you,” she said, as if to
respond to his thought. Arcturus questioned this whole experience. “Did she really just want to have a chat this whole time? Was
this whole thing in my head?” He took a step forward. They were face to face now.
There was a pause and then her mouth began to open. It opened wider
and wider until she could have eaten his whole body in one bite. So, Arcturus
hadn’t been imagining it. Eileen was actually gonna eat him. Freakin’ unreal,
dude. Arcturus was now glad he had wet the bed. It would be his parting gift to Ursula
who had really screwed him over with this ghost situation.
Then, Eileen vanished. Disappearing into a cloud of green gas that was sucked up by her gravestone in the backyard. The sun had risen! Ghosts can only
exist by cover of darkness, apparently. Arcturus sighed with relief. That was definitely
the closest he had ever come to dying. Second closest was when he feared that
Buck Broke was going to murder him a few weeks ago. Riverview was really going
to be the death of him, huh?
![]() |
| "Here lies Eileen Remington. So hungry she could eat a person" |
Arcturus walked out the front door and got on his bike. He
wasn’t coming back here and had lost his desire to one day live in this mansion.
There was no way he was going to risk running into Eileen again. He did like
Shellie though. Definitely gonna call Shellie.



















































