The House on Haunted Hill

Remember the mansion on the hill of Riverview that Arcturus dreamed of moving into? Well, it was time to visit that place and see what was going on up there. On the sidewalk across the street from his house, Arcturus could see it through the trees. It even looked a little spooky.

Halloween and the trees are still VERY green. Come on, game!

As he climbed the hill on his bike, he worried about who he was going to find in this mansion. Thinking about the last time he tried to visit a house unannounced sent a chill up his spine. By the time he reached the top, his legs felt like spaghetti noodles both from nerves and the epic hill climb.

He rang the doorbell and looked back towards his bike. Never too late to bail, my friend. A woman came to the door before he could escape. Her name was Ursula Cheek. As he chatted with her, a car pulled up behind him and a younger woman got out. Arcturus caught a glimpse of the girl as she walked by him into the house. He said, "Excuse me, Ursula. I'd much rather talk to that hot mama."

"Might wanna lay off the sandwiches," he thought.

Arcturus followed the girl into the house and was shocked by how unnecessarily convoluted the floor plan was. There's some weird recessed basement section in the center of the first floor that doesn't add anything to the house except a lot of staircases. Spanning the dip in the floor is a bridge that was better in theory than execution. The second floor is easier to understand with some bathrooms, halls and bedrooms, but it's no less tragic in design. The third floor is pretty much just a ballroom.

Arcturus followed the girl to a 2nd floor bedroom in the tower portion of the house. She started watching TV so Arcturus just took a seat next to her. Maybe the girl was really into the TV show or maybe she was paralyzed with fear because a strange man just followed her to this isolated room and sat down next to her, but she didn't say a thing. Arcturus finally broke the silence.

"I think it's trash day."

She slowly turned to look at him and he got up to introduce himself. The girl's name is Shellie. She lives in this mansion with her mother, who Arcturus met at the door, and her sister, Diana. She and Arcturus talked for a long time until she complained about being really hungry.

"Hi. Yeah. I'm serious about that trash day thing though."

"Your eyes are cool."

"Best plate of spaghetti I ever had. Bar. None."

"Ah! I'm losing my mind!"

Shellie asked Arcturus if he wanted to join her in the kitchen for dinner and he jumped at the chance to stare at her some more. She made some waffles and they sat down to eat. Well, Shellie ate while Arcturus stared at her like a creepo.

Don't stare at her! Pick up the fork and eat, you weird man!

After she was done, they talked some more by the refrigerator. Diana, came down for a late night snack and was really mad that her sister and some man were blocking her path to food. Arcturus was getting nervous because Shellie wouldn't stop talking and he had to go to the bathroom. Instead of interrupting her and excusing himself, he chose to just urinate in his pants and then stand in it like a child. Ursula walked into the kitchen as the puddle grew under him. He smiled at her. She frowned.

"Is this guy joking?" Diana thought.
"Living on the edge. I'm liking it." Shellie thought.

For some reason, there was something Shellie found attractive about this whole situation. But there was something about it that her mom absolutely hated. Hmph! What a snob!

"That was really awesome," Shellie whispered in his ear.

Shellie told Arcturus that she would help him find a new pair of pants and invited him up to her bedroom. Arcturus was liking where this was going. He was going to try to piss his pants in front of more women! As he passed Ursula on the way out of the kitchen, he said, "Cleanup on aisle #1," and put his hand up for a high five. She left him hanging. Arcturus was not impressed with the snub.
In her bedroom, she whipped herself into some pajamas. Arcturus took off his wet pants and then it was make out time. Cooooool.

"Theef boffers a sill kamma phet."
Translation: "These boxers are still kinda wet."

After a few minutes, Shellie fell asleep. Arcturus laid next to her thinking about how great the day had been. Disregarding the personally embarrassing moment where he, an adult man, wet his pants and ignoring the fact that Diana and Ursula hated his guts at this point, this mansion visit was pretty neat. What Arcturus didn't realize was that the night was far from over...