Another Date Night Gone Horribly Wrong

Frost was setting in. Arcturus got his favorite woman's coat on and went outside. Maybe the cold would make him feel alive. He stood there for a while. A tear ran down his face, froze and blew away in the wind, Schwarzenegger style.

I feel... nothing.

Oh well. Good try though. He went back inside and called Betty for a date, asking her to meet him at the Fall Festival that had swept into town the night before. She agreed to meet him there and he considered leaving her there in the freezing cold like she did to him in the storm. That plan wouldn't really help the relationship though, so he put his lady coat back on and started biking to the Festival Grounds.

It didn't take long to find Betty because there was only about four people milling around. They made out for a little bit while the food stand girl just stood there watching. Arcturus noticed the woman staring and asked, "Jealous much?" and the girl shouted back, "That coat made me think you were a lesbian couple!" Arcturus sheepishly walked away with Betty.

There were a few activities at the festival but Betty and Arcturus chose to enter a pie eating contest first. Two older ladies also felt like shoving their face in a blueberry pie in the freezing cold. They all lined up and bent over, ready to eat. I don't know who was running this contest. How would they know when to start? Why were they even doing this? Nobody was really taking it seriously and there was no prize for winning. The old lady on the end was thinking about sandwiches, Arcturus was thinking of his lifetime goals, Betty had cleared her mind in preparation and the other old woman was really hungry. Maybe that old woman entered this contest because she wanted some free food. Free food. Ha. Obama's America, right?

aaaaaand... Go?

The contest started and they all went for it. Sometimes they would pause and cough up pie but they weren't giving up. (Also, for some reason, Arcturus and Betty's winter clothes morphed into their regular clothes in the middle of the contest. That's probably something EA needs to patch, because it made no sense and shouldn't have happened.) The one old lady who was hungry wasn't just a little hungry, she was frikkin' starving, dude. That's when things got cray:

I couldn't believe I caught this on video. The woman just flat out died of starvation during the pie eating contest. As soon as she fell over, Arcturus, Betty and the other woman just walked away from the table. I was surprised they all had the decency to stop after a fellow contestant died. Arcturus was the first to stop which was even more surprising. All of their faces were covered in pie as they stood around dumbfounded.

Arcturus: "I'm kinda hungry too."
Woman: "Sir, now is not the time."

Betty ran into the dark and vomited. It must have been triggered by the terrific combination of hearing the dying screams of a starving woman and eating too much pie. Her throw up was neon green, leading me to suspect that she had eaten some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ooze earlier. Arcturus came up to her when she was done and started making out with her. Did he not just see her throwing up radioactive waste? Her face was covered in pie and vomit. Certainly not the time, but I guess that's love.

Oh wait. Two, please, actually.

So, in typical fashion, Death showed up to take the starved woman's soul. He kinda waved his hands around like a magician and the woman turned into a green vapor. Then her tombstone popped up showing that she died of hunger and her ghost materialized. I bet she had no idea she was going to die when she left the house that night to attend the Fall Festival. Hmm... that's actually a little sad. Didn't seem to phase Arcturus though. Hey, where is he, by the way?

"Lovin' this burger."

Ah. Yes, he's having a picnic by himself. Of course he is. It's a good thing that he didn't turn around and see the woman's ghost because with that hairdo and pink color she looked almost exactly like Eileen Remington. It would have been terrifying memories for him. Betty noticed Arcturus eating by himself and, instead of joining him, she booked it to her car and drove away. Arcturus waved as she ran away but she didn't pay attention to that. He didn't care. Most of their dates end in Betty fleeing. Clearly, Arcturus needed to put a ring on it.

Arcturus headed home. It was a pretty interesting night. Fall festival date, a woman dying, Death himself showing up and a killer picnic to cap it all off. Sometimes these blog posts just write themselves.

"Shhh... Alright, alright, I'll tell him... Uhhh, ya got jam on your face, buddy."