Taking A Trip - Part Two 

Arcturus and co. were in China, if you remember. Shang Simla to be exact. The first thing Arcturus did after arriving at the hotel was check the board of local adventures he could go on. This was the same type of 'board of opportunities' that he had dealt with when he went to France by himself years ago. Remembering how lame that French "tomb raiding" stuff was, I chose to skip the options here (all of the options were about tomb raiding). I wanted to know if traveling had any other benefits to it outside of the exploration gag. (Spoiler: It definitely doesn't.)

The Mengsk family went inside to settle and eat some breakfast. It was a good thing they didn't pack any bags though because there was nowhere to put them safely. There were no rooms, no closets, no personal space at all. Just lines of beds in each room and hallway. There was also no management or cleaning service and you had to cook your own food. Was this a hotel or an abandoned building with working plumbing?

Arcturus was walking around the abandoned building in his pajamas when he ran into self-proclaimed "explorer", Alain Lefebvre. Alain told Arcturus where all the hot hangouts were in the fake Forbidden City. "Definitely hit up the general store. The owner, Xi Yuan, has everything from bikes to dried food. 'General stuff'. Well, garbage, mostly." When he started to stray off-topic and talk about how great the tombs were in his French hometown of Les Champs de Sims, Arcturus knew Alain was not to be trusted. Those tombs were pretty crap, guy.

"Also, Wu Xio is a racist." *raises hands* "Hey, you didn't hear it from me!"

Betty and Emily walked by and pulled Arcturus from his conversation. It was time to head into town and see what what was really going on there. They found a car outside with the keys in it and just stole it. It may have been Alain's. Betty did... not... care, alright?

The hotel. Arcturus is in this photo. Can you spot him?

On our way!

Inside the walls of the city, there really was little to do. No wonder Alain had talked highly of the general store. It was just about the only thing open to visitors! Emily asked what they were going to do first. Arcuturus looked at all the private homes and said, "I guess we go to the general store and then go back to the United States?" Emily sighed. "I'm missing my friends at school for this?" Betty was like, "Honey, what is with you and these friends at school? They just can't be that great."

"The terracotta army is a Chinese thing, right?"

There were actually a few shops lined up. It was called "Shang Simla Market" and it had a food merchant, a book merchant, and a relic merchant in addition to that general store everyone was talking about. The first place they stopped was the relic merchant, run by Zhan Su. It was a small room with a couple vases and figurines set up, none of which were for sale. Betty found out what was for sale though: "fossilized watermelon" and an absolute ton of "broken vases"!

Somehow, Emily ended up talking to an old local by the name of Ai Pei. He didn't speak a lick of English so he just stared at Emily. Emily looked to Betty for help but Betty was debating with Zhan about the availability of the figurines on the front counter.

Ai Pei: "How do I communicate with this child?"
Off screen shout: "Ya DON'T communicate with that child."

"How much for the snake figurine here?"
"Not for sale."
"Why is it here?"
"That's really none of your business."
"Odd response."

Zhan was frustrated. Why was everyone always asking about the figurines? Couldn't they just take a broken vase for $150 and go home? Did you notice in the picture how Zhan was thinking about being happy? It was only a thought though. He can't actually be happy when his life is spent arguing about worthless trinket trash. What a dreamer.

Meanwhile, Arcturus had found the local "special merchant". Her name was Adaeze Min. She didn't have her own shop, she just walked around and sold things out of her pockets. She had deep pockets though because she was selling about fifteen items. They were all things for explorers, like "skeleton keystones" to open any doors while exploring and "escape dust" to get out of tombs if you were trapped in them. Arcturus didn't have a need for any of that so he talked with her about fried chicken while thinking, "Wait. Did she say her name was Adele Dazeem"?

Boy, she's excited about fried chicken.

Betty, finally free of Zhan's depression and with no more relics than when she started, decided to go for a swim with Emily. The ponds in this city were a landscaping element but Betty brought a bathing suit on this trip. Where there's water, she will swim. Swimming in these pools was probably the most out-of-touch American thing she could have done though.

Would you get. out. of. there!

Arcturus didn't want to swim (yet) so he stopped in to the general store. "Xi Yuan," he shouted when he walked in, "I hear you have everything here." She didn't have everything. Alain had told Arcturus that she had everything from bikes to dried food, but she pretty much only had bikes and dried food. Arcturus needed neither at the moment. Xi was puzzled by Arcturus's familiarity with her. Arcturus was puzzled by her stocked goods.

"Hey, I don't need a bike, ok?"
"...sure."

After being escorted from the pools by the authorities, Betty strolled into the bookstore, Emily in tow. The owner, Wu Xio, gave Betty a look. She had a window. She saw that scene. Betty coughed nervously and said, "Ok, let's see what there is to buy here."

Soaking wet and in a bathing suit. Let's look at some books!

Holy crap, look at all this racist stuff! Alain was right about her! There's a book just flat out called "Egg Rolls" and another titled "Stir Fry"? What!? "The Art of Koi Ponds"? "Marital Arts Volume 1: Wax On Philosophic". Jeez. Coming on a little strong there, Sims 3.

Betty saw the items that were on sale and put her hand to her mouth. She fell backwards out of the store, got up and ran away.

- - - Let me take a bit of a time out here and mention something else racist about this game. Each area you can visit has a symbol to go along with it. Egypt has some pyramids, France has the Eiffel Tower and China has a torii. Ok, well, a torii is a Japanese gate typically found outside of a Shinto shrine. Sims 3 doesn't care. All asians are the same to them! They also never patched it and the game came out seven years ago with multiple patches per year - - -

Yikes.

Anyway, the Mengsk family regrouped at a restaurant, cleverly titled "Food Merchant". Liu Pei was the owner, cook, host, janitor, and everything else because every store anywhere is a one person operation. After lunch, Arcturus told Betty she could go back to the hotel without him because he was going over to Liu's house. Betty understood that. She took Emily and the car back to the hotel. Arcturus returned to Xi's general bike store and bought a bike ("I can't believe it myself but I actually need one of these now.") before following Liu back to his house.

"Liuuuuuuuuuu! I'm homeeeeeeee!"

Arcturus rang the doorbell and Liu's wife, Yanyu Tsang, answered. "Am I late?" Yanyu looked into the house at Liu, who was just sitting down to read, then back to Arcturus. "Late for...?" Arcturus pushed past her, waved to Liu and asked him to "scootch over a bit" on the sofa. Liu was a little scared. "Are you the guy from my restaurant a little bit ago? Didn't you have a family?" Arcturus laughed. "I did. I did... So, what's on the tube here?" he asked as he grabbed the remote.

Minutes later, with the tension in the room at an almost unbearable point, Arcturus told Liu that he was hungry. "Im gonna go grab a bite." He got up and went to the kitchen. Liu and Yanyu followed, mostly to make sure he didn't do anything crazy. As Arcturus cooked, they stared blankly. Finally, Liu had enough. "Hey, buddy." Arcturus fidgeted with the burners on the stove without looking up. "Hey!" He grabbed Arcturus's arm and stared in his eyes. "Ya gotta go, man. I don't know what you're doing anymore. I don't even know who you are, really."

Arcturus was offended. "Well, why did you invite me over if you didn't want me to make dinner!?" Yanyu let a bit of a laugh escape. Arcturus stormed out. He left the pot on the stove. He had been making stove top stuffing. Liu took a bite and nodded to Yanyu. "That's good Top."

"Karate guy wouldn't let me make dinner!"

Outside, on the porch, Arcturus called Betty. He said some racial things about Liu Pei, then told her to pack everything and meet him at the airport. "We're... we're going home right now." "Our flight isn't for another three days, amazingly." "RIGHT! NOW!" he shrieked and hung up. Betty, who had pulled the phone away for the screams, put the phone back to her ear. "Hello?... hello?." She smiled. "Jesus Christ. This guy."

Arcturus biked to the airport.

...

Later that night, before turning off the light to sleep, Yanyu would ask Liu, "Did you invite him over?" Liu, laying in bed with his back to her, would reply very simply. "No."

Taking A Trip - Part One 

Arcturus and Betty sat down to breakfast. Betty wanted to go on a vacation. She needed it because work was getting very stressful for her. Well, she doesn't talk about work much. I actually forget what her job is, at this point. Anyway, Betty asked Arcturus to plan the trip but Arcturus was resistant. He was "too busy" today.

*stomps feet* "I don't even want to go!"

Betty washed her bowl in the sink. "I love you, but you're killing me." Arcturus laughed. Betty "laughed". "Just buy plane tickets, would you?" "To where?" "We're allowed so few options. Pick one." "Is Emily going?" Betty just stared at him for a few seconds then left for work. Walking down the sidewalk, fishing her keys out of her purse, she muttered, "Is Emily going." Arcturus sat at the table inside, staring at the closed door, and quietly asked again, "...Is Emily going?"

Arcturus changed back into his pajamas. Now that Betty was gone and Emily was at school, he could stop pretending he had something to do. He got on YouTube and started up 'Old Time Rock and Roll'. "This is gonna be cool," he whispered. He ran to the bedroom, found a hairbrush to sing into and ran back down the hallway towards the living room. Before he could slide into the room and start lip-syncing, he tripped, crashed into the end table by the sofa and fell on the floor. Bob Seger started yelling. Just take those old records off the shelf! Arcturus got up, stood the end table up, set the phone back on the table, picked up the hairbrush and got on the computer to find plane tickets. That kind of music just soothes the - Arcturus stopped the song. His hip hurt.

*click* *click* "How many tickets?" *finger hovers over the '2' and '3'* 

He just saw the price.

After buying tickets (He settled on 3, hoping Betty wouldn't be mad), Arcturus went back to YouTube and watched those videos where they make you stare intently at the screen and then a monster jumps out at you at the end. It's not that fun or funny, but he spent the rest of the day doing it.

"Damn, got me again"

That night Betty told Emily of the vacation plans. "I'll write a note for your teacher and you can give it to her tomorrow." Emily seemed excited. Sometimes it's hard to tell with children. "When do we have to leave?" "In two weeks." "Will I ever get to see my friends again?" "Are you expecting to die? Yes, you'll see them."

"What a thrill, MOM!"

Arcturus called a family meeting. Everyone gathered in the living room. Betty and Emily sat down. Arcturus paced back and forth before announcing, "I have a surprise for you. For both of you. But mostly for Betty." Betty drummed her fingers on the arm of the sofa. "Can't wait to hear it, Artie," she said. Arcturus smiled nervously.

"Betty. I'm not so sure you're gonna like it. I messed up."

They heard a horn honking outside. Arcturus stared blankly. "What is that," Betty asked. Arcturus dropped his head and said, "Uber." "Why?" "Our flight leaves soon." There was an awkward silence. Betty took a deep breath. "Are you kidding me?" Arcturus looked her in the eyes. "You wish."

"You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts."

So, they all just walked out of the house. No bags, no sleep, no preparation at all. Betty was the first to the car. Halfway to the airport, Emily just had to ask: "Where are we going?"

Don't forget to... *car zooms away*... close the front door.

15 hours later, the plane landed in China. "China". It's a big country, but The Sims 3 doesn't care about that. They don't give you a city name or anything. The whole place is a Chinese stereotype. Quick! Think of a Chinese location. Was it 'the Forbidden City'? Well, it definitely was when the makers of this game thought of one.

Look at this guy. Freakin' loving it.

Eureka! 

The final push for Death Fish and Life Fruit.

Arcturus read a gardening book to Emily at bedtime. He tried to explain what he was attempting with his resurrection, by way of a picture book. Emily was like, "So this plant will finally turn you into a man?" and Arcturus flipped through the book about an anthropomorphic pack of seeds and was like, "Uhhhhh,... sure. I don't really... Hey, wait, was that an insult?"

"Ok. And what do you do next, Dad?... Water it?... Ohhhhh."

After she fell asleep, he went out to the lake. Now that his fishing skills were top notch, he was capable of sacking the legendary death fish. There's only one place in town you can catch it and there's a "No Fishing" sign there. I don't think you can't get arrested for fishing though.

Sirens in the distance. Arcturus looks around nervously.

Step one complete.

Back at home, Arcturus walked right up to Betty and held the fish in her face. "Remember when you kept complaining about all the hours I spent watching that fishing show? Hmmm?" She rolled her eyes. "Honey, if you told me this fish was going to make you come back to life, I still wouldn't think it was worth watching several hours of frikkin 'Fishing Fracas'." And she was right. Every episode was quite literally the same.

The next morning was all about the garden.

To grow a life fruit, you have to search the world for the right seed to plant. This requires zooming in to the ground as far as you can and actually scrolling through the entire world, looking for a seed that, in game, is nearly the size of an actual seed. It's very annoying. Once you find a seed, you have to collect it and plant it. The seeds are labeled things like "special" and "unique" so you don't even know what they'll grow into until you plant them and they mature.

After many searches and random plantings, Arcturus found a life fruit. He also found a money tree. Next time someone tells Arcturus that money doesn't grow on trees, he'll laugh. Because that person is an idiot now.

The life fruit plant is near the chimney. 

The money tree is that big ball of trash on a tree trunk.

The Easter Bunny gnome sits and waits, patiently...

It's arrived. "That was certainly interesting," the gnome thinks.

Step two complete.

Now with the two ingredients necessary, Arcturus had to learn how to bake the food that would make him a real boy again. He took a trip to the bookstore and bought the recipe for Ambrosia. It was about $30 to buy that single recipe. It wasn't a sheet of paper though, as you would expect, but a full book.

Not one to follow a recipe while cooking, Arcturus set out to memorize the entire thing before starting. He could handle no distractions. Betty was happy for him, at least.

"Fish and fruit,... fish and fruit..." *closes book*
"Fish... and... damnit, Betty, you distracted me!"

After memorizing the recipe, he sat back and all this kind of garbage flew around his head. Words and numbers, I guess. He was enlightened. A new man. A renaissance man.

Pictured: Arcturus plugging into the matrix or something.

Arcturus hit the kitchen after all the haze around his head dissipated. He threw the recipe in the trash because he didn't need that anymore and took the death fish and life fruit out of the fridge. He got right to work, chopping everything up and filling a gigantic pan. Then, he put the giant pan in the oven and after a few minutes, pulled a little plate out with a small portion of food on it. What happened in that oven?

It's garnished and everything. This oven is special.

"This tastes like garbage, Betty."

After eating copius amounts of "Ambrosia", Arcturus was like, "Alright, enough of that. I feel like becoming a solid now." So, he stood up and *poof*, he was a solid. Betty's immediate reaction was to put a fairy spell on him to make him cold. She had been waiting a year to play that trick on this guy and it truly did not disappoint.

Emily walked into the room and was like, "Finally. Now I don't have to tell my friends at school that my dad haunts my house." Arcturus laughed, "That was cool... Alright, that was cool..."

"Emily, do you know who I am?"... "Ay-yi-yi."

"I'm glad you're back. That was annoying, to say the least."

Arcturus took a shower. He smelled like a corpse.

A Doll Nightmare 

Arcturus has been dead for a year and everyone's getting a little tired of his spirit. In town and in the real world, I suspect. But, whatever. At least he feels comfortable wearing his Christmas sweater around again (Remember he died in a Christmas sweater and ghost sweaters aren't easy to come by.)

It was Emily's birthday and game design dictated that Arcturus needed to carry Emily to her cake. Betty was washing dishes when Arcturus shouted, "Hey! Betty! Turn around so we can do this!" Betty dropped a dish and it shattered. "W-w-w-who said that?" Arcturus rolled his eyes.

It's happening!

Swinging her in for the blowout.

*fart noise*

Cross-eyed.

Arcturus got bored, cracked open a book.

Still cross eyed? ... Uh oh.

Send that cross eyed loon outside to eat her cake!

(I wrote the caption for this next photo a while ago and when I came back to edit this post, I was confused as to what it meant. A joke might be there but I'm no longer seeing it.)

There are two cakes?

In the backyard, there was a stirring. It was close to the house, right outside Betty and Arcturus's bedroom window where Emily used to spend most of her free time with her doll. I was pleasantly surprised by what I found there. Emily's doll, sent by that mysterious uncle, was up and moving around. It was his birthday too, apparently, and now he was the size of a boy.

He broke into the house and took a casual stroll into the bathroom. A doll on a mission.

Emily was in the bathroom so this doll is a pervert. She took it in stride though and they talked for a while... about colors, of course. (Imagine a world where every conversation you had, somebody brought up colors as a discussion topic and that's what living in Riverview is like.) 

Emily: I can't believe you're walking arou-

Doll: ...but what about blue though!?

Emily: Ohhhhhhh jeez (rubbing forehead) I mean,... y'know... it's fine?

Maybe Emily knew all along that this doll would become a human like creature. Ok, I just thought of this: I hope she can marry him one day.

Hushed doll whispers:"Your mom's asleep though."

Emily went into her parent's bedroom to change her clothes. They keep kid clothes in there because this house has only one dresser. The doll just watched her. Watched and waited. Then, he walked out the door and out of the house. Emily didn't know where he went so she played some make-believe for a while. Her real world just wasn't fantastic enough to satisfy her imagination. Here she is pretending to be some kind of loser:

"...and the little monster asked the princess 'What about blue though?"

Hours later, Emily was getting tired of waiting around for her new friend to come home.

"Where have you been all night?"
"I was out."

Who's creepier here?

Ok, he turns back into a doll at bedtime.

The next morning, the doll was still in doll form. Emily found Arcturus sitting in the kitchen. I don't think he moved since the birthday party, actually. "Dad. Why are you still a ghost? It's been a year, you know."

"Also, your Bill Cosby sweater and constant 'Ghost Dad' references
are making me uncomfortable at this point."

Later that night...

Still fishing... still trying.